Someone tell me what success is? Why do we keep striving to achieve the top? And why does the top never seem to be THE TOP? There’s always something right above it. When does the “reaching for it” part stop?
We start early, some people earlier than the others. Nowadays people start at 2 or 3 years old in daycare – Those A B Cs. Our parents, aunts, grannies or caretakers cheer us to get that smiley-star stamped on your paper or your palm (whatever the daycare center fancies). Then you move up to grade school up until Uni. There’s only one goal – to grab that Number 1 Spot. It may be our guardian’s and not our own personal goal back then, but we all have been programmed to wish being at the top. Some are content dreaming about it while others try their damn best to be IT. Who doesn’t want to be Number 1?
So life branches out. Some are doctors, some are drivers, others are stationed at the front desk, some seated at their leather chairs behind a big old, Victorian desk while some are seated on a rickety old bench with 3 bottles of gin already downed at 7am. Is success as subjective as happiness? The man behind the Victorian desk: thinking, worrying, planning about his business & barely having enough time to sit & relax versus the man on the bench: singing, perhaps, drunk and gay with no deadlines in mind –situations may vary, yes, but the “ideals” are of high probability. I’m not saying one is better than the other, that would spark a lengthy discussion. I’m throwing this up in the air – wanting all of you to mull it over with me.
The way our eyes look for beauty, our self-worth long for success; may it be in small things as winning a stuff toy at the carnival, winning a bet with a friend or being a big-ass boss. I resign to the fact that we are hard-wired to reach for the top – some in dreams and others in waking moments, making waves in the sea. Hence the differences in our lives.
Where was I headed with all of these? Hmm… I don’t know. I had to write. These questions have been gnawing at me for the past two days. 2016 has proved to be a year of life changes and sometimes I wish for it to stop a while, let me breathe in the current air of “now” as it doesn’t seem to last that long. It’s that feeling of knowing where you’re headed but not fully convinced of what you’re about to do. I feel like I’m stepping into shoes that I can’t fill.
Do I need to jump into those shoes? No.
Am I wanting anything, more than what is in my hands? No.
Do I consider myself unsuccessful? No.
BUT MY SELF-WORTH WON’T ALLOW ME TO TURN DOWN THE OPPORTUNITY AND SAY NO.
So, I am back to the drawing board, a new ladder to climb, a new route to map, another trophy to earn – for what? NOTHING but to be able to quiet down this “kid” in me, wanting to get that smiley-star stamped on my palm.