Thinking Of You – A Prologue [a book in progress]

Three corporate events, four weddings plus two international charity balls already in line for the whole month, exactly 11 months after we opened “La Belle Studio.” It was more than what we have ever imagined. Our schedule was packed! I was busier than ever yet he keeps invading my thoughts, X.

"How was your day, Belle?" 

”That was beautiful." 

"I miss you, Belle."

Bits and pieces of our conversation keeps replaying in my head. 

"Hey B! You alright?" a faint voice

"Belle. Oi! Belle!" a little louder, British.

I wonder if I’m dreaming again.

“Luv…” more gentle than before but the voice seems closer.

I look up & I see Matt’s gorgeous face grinning at me. Matthew O’ Connor, my English business partner. A photographer with an unmatched keen for beauty.This is where La Belle started. “Matt & Belle”

We shared a lot of things, more than just the love for photography. But that was history. It’s always a wonder how La Belle flourished even when the romance between us died.

“You ok, luv?” Matt asks cheekily grinning now.

“Happy days!” I replied.

I called out to the crew to take a 10. We were in the middle of a PR shoot and I was photographer on point. I still do take on workloads, juggling it together with managing the studio and client meetings. We both do. I guess neither one of us is ready to put our lenses down and exchange it for a suit and tie. Everyone started shuffling around to get coffee or go to the loo. I grabbed my phone and walked over to a corner.

Here goes, “I’ll be done in 2 hours.” Message sent

Stood there for a minute or two staring at the brightly lit screen of my phone.

“Waiting for Romeo to call?” Matt again, holding out a cup of steaming coffee to me.

Gave him a smile. Took the coffee then walked back to my gear.

“No Thank You?” he chided. Chuckling a little.

“Gracias! Senor” I quipped.

I knew he was grinning & watching every step I take as I walked away. But I could never get mad at that bloke. Truth be told, he still has me under a spell & I try not to get trapped in a corner with him.


I let my thoughts drift to X.

XAVIER. There’s something there. A connection.

Phillippe Xavier. 

I am intrigued. Entranced at the mystery of his openness. Fascinated at his boldness with his feelings.

“B!” Matt calls.


Back to work.

Constant calls of "Hellos" and "Goodnights" Conversation hour upon hours.

You filled my thoughts more than ever now yet  we are no where.

Back in my bed after a long day.

They asked me how I knew My true love was true

I of course replied Something here inside can not be denied

"Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" softly playing.

My thoughts drift back to you, X, to our conversation a day ago.

“Spring… my favorite season,” you said.

I remember it clearly. How we first met. Yes, it was spring. But I just shrugged it away. Ignored it. Why? I don’t know why. I wish I was brave like you. I wish I was sure as you are with how I feel. Oh, how I want to tell you what’s on my mind. How I want you to see what’s in my heart. But, every time I try I am at a loss. I question myself if I’m doing the right thing.

Is this really love?

Now laughing friends deride. Tears I cannot hide

So I smile and say When a lovely flame dies

Smoke gets in your eyes

Music still playing.

If only I can understand this stirring in me. Maybe tomorrow I can tell you what this is. 


Weeks passed. No calls from X. I’ve been put on Seen Mode. He must have moved on.

I’m in limbo.

Stuck between wanting to call you and forgetting every thought of you. But what will I say if I call? I’m still unsure. How do I forget you when in silence I see you, your gentle smile, and your eyes that make my heart skip a beat. I have buried myself in work to forget you, Phillippe Xavier. But you still invade my thoughts. 

What ifs. What could have beens.

"All set, luv?" Matt asked. 

Holding the car door for me & extending his other arm to help me down. I smiled. Pushing you out of my mind. 

“Always, LUV” I said. Reaching for his hand.

Although music is sweet But the song incomplete

Now in my life, Boy in my life

Something is missing

It's the truth, yes it's true Still there's no me and you

Here in my life Boy in my life

Something is missing

(this story is pure fiction and is in parallel to: BELLE)

Up Next:   I. Sunsets and Sunrises

17 October 2015


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